Plus: New Newburn! And the END OF KAPTARA!
Okay, first of all: Mom? This one ain’t for you. Close your browser window and get some fresh air, okay? I worry about you.
For the rest of you, I need to address the latest Star Wars situation
As no doubt many of you know, for decades the official name for the music played in Star Wars by such classic musical acts as Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes or The Max Rebo Band is Jizz Music.
I should point out that technically The Max Rebo Band is a subsection of Jizz called Jizz-wailers. But they are most definitely Jizz.
Now, it should be obvious to anyone reading this that I’m a bit of a Jizzhead. I love the sound of Jizz and, frankly, the lifestyle that accompanies Jizz. So, like many others I was dismayed to find out that the name of this classic music has been retconned in the new book From A Certain Point of View: Return of the Jedi with the following passage:
And with a few simple words, Jizz has been wiped clear from the annals of Star Wars history, simply because it shares a meaning with semen that has been ejected from the body. A lot of people, like myself, feel hurt and betrayed by this Jizz erasure. But, I think I found a silver lining in all of this. You just have to read the passage more closely…
By stating that “Jizz” is considered “less palatable,” this book has just confirmed that, in the Star Wars universe, everyone knows what actual jizz is. Now, I want that to sink in. Sure, maybe good little farm boys like Luke Skywalker never refer to their little “force push” as “jizz,” but there is absolutely zero chance that Han Solo hasn’t uttered the word “jizz” at least once a week (which is actually five days in the Galactic Standard Calendar).
Jizz music is dead, but actual jizz has been confirmed in Star Wars. I consider that a win.
JESUS CHRIST YOU’RE ALMOST FIFTY YEARS OLD
Sure but Star Wars will keep me young forever! And you’re welcome!
In other news this week saw the return of NEWBURN with issue 11!
It’s a proper heist this month and, of course, Jacob kills it on art. Newburn’s in a lot of trouble! Also interesting fact: in the Newburn Universe, the word “jizz” doesn’t exist! However, I can’t confirm that to be the case in David Brothers and Nick Dragotta’s excellent backup story.
It was a Chip Double Dip week as KAPTARA: UNIVERSAL TRUTHS #2 came out as well! I will always laugh at Kagan’s cat-tanks:
Speaking of Kaptara, for my dear paid subscribers, the final pages of the series are below. I’ll do a longer post about Kaptara once the final print issue is out, but needless to say, Kagan is the best. And every moment working on this book was a joy.
I’ll get PDF and CBZ files up early next week for those who prefer reading the issues all at once. But for now, here’s the end of Keith Kanga’s journey…