John Fauxmita

The greatest piece of art in existence

Back in 2015 I attended a comic convention in Lucca, Italy. Which was obviously surreal and fantastic, especially since I got to do it with my bestest chum, Mr. Matt Fraction. Long time readers will know that this is the trip where I bought a very shiny Italian Flash costume that spoke to me in a window display every day as we’d walk to our signings. I finally cracked and stripped down in the centre of the store, as they had no change rooms, and truly became The Flash, the fastest man alive.

I tend to not spend money on myself, so I had a lot of debate over that purchase. But, that wasn’t the only for-sale item that weekend which would inspire debate.

At one point Matt and I were at a local vendor’s outdoor display, where he had boxes of old sketches for sale. Nothing really remarkable. Clearly a lot of quick doodles from previous guests of the show, now marked up. But there was one piece which caught Matt’s eye. One very remarkable piece.

It was both the best and the worst Spider-Man sketch I’d ever seen. Clearly a joke, but a funny enough one that we both actually wanted it. Matt inquired as to the price, and, after working out what it would be in American money, we realized the vendor was asking for EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS.

I walked away because I’m very sensible, but Matt, God bless him, was still genuinely interested. See, he thought this could actually be a John Romita original.

His reasoning was that a lot of the sketches done in Lucca were done at restaurants, where its customary to do a quick piece of art for the establishment, which they sometimes put on their wall. So, Matt was picturing a scenario where the legendary artist of Spider-Man, the Art Director of Marvel Comics, had just finished a delicious meal which was accompanied by a large quantity of Italian wine. And before he managed to stumble back to his hotel, a server put a marker in his hand and asked for a nice Spider-Man drawing. And this is what he did.

Now, look, we’ve all been there before. Tipsy after a meal, forced to draw Spider-Man. But there is no world of inebriation where the man who crafted Spider-Man’s iconic look for decades absolutely forgets how to draw the character to this degree.

Matt disagreed.

In our now decades-long friendship, I can’t recall another time where I raised my voice to my dear chum. But for the rest of the weekend, at every meal, we had heated debates about the veracity of this image. He wanted to buy it and I forbid him from doing so. Matt’s wife, Kelly Sue, was also on that trip and I could see the distant resignation in her eyes as we argued about all of this. She knew that there was no winning here and all she could do was surreptitiously check their bank account to make sure there was enough in it to cover the upcoming eight hundred dollar withdrawal for the world’s worst forgery.

In the end, Matt didn’t buy it. Perhaps he finally realized that it wasn’t actually a piece by Mr. Romita, or maybe he pictured his children back home who needed new shoes. In any case, the “art” did not accompany him stateside.

While I considered it a win that he didn’t waste his money, I also felt a little bad that my heated yelling eventually denied him the joy of owning this, uh, one-of-a-kind piece.

So, for his birthday a month later, I sent him this:

My painstaking recreation of the Lucca piece.

I’ve had a pretty successful art career, I suppose, but if you asked me what my greatest artistic accomplishment might be, I’d probably say that it was this.

IT WAS ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE

Don’t I know it!!

Maybe, one day, I’ll find myself back in Lucca. And if I do, don’t be surprised to see a gofundme started up to raise some funds for a Very Special piece of Spider-Man art, which is probably now at two thousand dollars since Mr. Romita’s sad passing.

And I will tear that artwork in in half and place one half in the world’s largest heart-shaped locket for Matt to carry around his neck, while I have mine in the world’s other largest heart-shaped locket.

Best Chums Forever.

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In, uh, other “artistic accomplishment” news, this was announced:

He looks like one of those angry kittens you see in memes. Adorable!

I don’t know anything about ordering or dates on this, but if I find out I’ll let you know!

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Speaking of Daredevil, saw this cool pic from Mark Waid, the man who wrote sixty issues of the character!

Charlie and Vincent! Daredevil and Kingpin! Very cool! Not sure why Mark started shouting at me in the comments though:

Oh well! Hope you’re doing well, Mark!

And for the rest of you, I hope you’re well also!

Bye!

-Chip