Newsletter #1: Let's Pretend This Is Okay

Yeah, well, MY parents were also gunned down in an alley and I inherited billions of dollars and you don’t hear ME crying about it

CHIP ZDARSKY’S “NEWS””LETTER”

Hi! I don’t know how to write newsletters, so this is going to be fucking terrible.

Warren Ellis tells you about fascinating things happening in the world of science and literature in his newsletter, because he is a learned man and a doctor and roughly twenty Russian bots churning out vampire erotica. Ed Brubaker uses his newsletter to answer reader questions about whether or not Winter Soldier would fuck them. Kelly Sue DeConnick uses hers to tell you that you can do better than Winter Soldier.

Basically, the only limitation to the human newsletter is the human imagination!!!

WHO IS CHIP

I guess, since this is my first newsletter, I should tell you a little bit about myself.

I’m Chip. I write and illustrate comics. I’m incredibly strong. It’s not a brag, it’s just a fact. You know that thing about mothers miraculously lifting cars off of their babies because of the adrenaline rushing through them from previously driving over their babies? I have that all the time even though I’m sterile and don’t know how to drive.

WHAT’S NEW WITH CHIP

So, this Wednesday, THE WHITE TREES #1 comes out from Image Comics! It’s a fantasy book, but not just ANY fantasy book. It’s a fantasy book drawn by KRIS ANKA so you know it’s even sexier than Lord of the Rings or its porn parody Lord of the Rings (Amazon TV show, 2020). The project came up late last year when Kris called me out of the blue, breathing heavily (probably fresh from a nice jog) and said “nnngh need to draw orc abs and elf dong.” Now, I’m a man of the world, so I understand this need. But I’m a busy man, what with all my Marvel Comics work and my intense letter writing campaign to DC Comics trying to get Batman cancelled.

Just then, however, my phone beeped as there was another call coming in. I cut Kris off mid-heavy-breath and answered it. It was MATT WILSON. He wasn’t breathing heavily, more like sobbing heavily? He said “hhhh I’m so tired of colouring big hammers and muscles and fantasy creatures help me chip”

And that’s how the book came together. Eventually we brought in the amazing letterer ADITYA BIDIKAR, who just sighed heavily as he crystallized my terrible words onto the page.

We’re doing something different with this because of schedules. It’s a TWO-ISSUE MINISERIES, with no plans to collect them yet as it’d be a slight volume at 60 pages of story. So, if you want orc abs—if you need orc abs—run to your local comic shoppe and get these very pretty single issues!

This is the cover:

And here’s a page from inside. It’s very pretty.

Also, INVADERS #8! DEAD IN THE WATER PART TWO is out this week from THE Marvel Comics! Just a nice drink between old friends.

As always, Carlos, Butch and Alex knock it out of the park with the visuals. Things heat up this issue as we delve deeper into Namor and how the world’s going to deal with him (nets).

Here’s a preview!

Oh, also:

WHAT’S NEW WITH NOT CHIP

Matt Fraction and Kelly Sue DeConnick are dear friends of mine according to the part of my brain that allows dear friends and wow they have very different ideas about promotional videos

Kelly Sue:

Matt:

Matt gets up at 3am to make is this gift. Also Aquaman. (You’re gonna wanna watch the whole thing.) #asmr
August 7, 2019

God bless them both.

WHAT’S NEW WITH REGARDS TO WHAT’S NEW WITH CHIP

Send me your POLITE AND RESPECTFUL QUESTIONS to zdarskyletters@gmail.com and I will answer one a week and I will throw away the rest in a ritual that is both pleasing to me and very efficient.

SAMPLE QUESTION: “Chip, What are your feelings about Green Lantern?”

SAMPLE ANSWER: “I’m sad all of the time.”

Love,
Chip