Newsletter #40: The Unified Comics Theory
Sure it's 2021 now but it's still technically "the 2020s" so please be careful out there
Comic books are a science. They’re math. A lot of people don’t realize this but there are key formulas at the heart of most comic book stories. Such as this one:
Peter Parker + Happiness = Goblin gotta murder someone
or this one:
Batman + Anything = $
Recently a healthy discussion was had on twitter about comics. No, not the standard “writer v. artist” one, which was settled years ago (“writer/artists” are the best), but one about the use of pages in a standard superhero comic book.
Is this better:
Or is THIS better:
Are repeated talking heads better or is a page of action better?
A lot of people—and also twitter users—were asking me to weigh in, so here it is:
There’s no way of knowing.
For decades comics have simply been one or the other. Pages upon pages of Venom talking or pages and pages of Venom gesturing next to a veiny thicc leg, floating oil ejaculate and a remarkably calm decapitated head. Comic scientists have been working tirelessly to somehow combine the two types of pages into a single comic book, but to mixed results. In the famous experiment of ‘98, “Wonder Woman: Chat ‘n’ Kick #1”, several test readers left the lab confused. A particularly agitated reader took two scientists hostage, demanding to meet “the wizard who broke the world.” One of the comments from a subject upon reading the book summed up the problem:
“I liked both stories. The one where Wonder Woman talked and the one where Wonder Woman kicked. But you told me I was reading one story and not two, so I’d like to go home now please.” -Test Subject 7
Is there hope on the horizon? Possibly. Marvel has decided to bring back Marvel Two-In-One with me as writer again, but this time the “Two” is talking heads and action and the “One” is the story. Will we be successful? Absolutely not, but I could really use the paycheck.
WOW KICKING OFF 2021 NICELY
Thanks. Feels good.
ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON?
Yes! Something very unusual!
My first ever Marvel Hardcover is out today! And, shockingly, it’s an OMNIBUS of our INVADERS book! Not only that, but there are … TWO covers for it??
The ALEX ROSS one:
Which is amazing. Who doesn’t want a giant Namor crushing a swastika painted by THE Alex Ross? What a world.
But then! There’s THIS cover!
Yup, that’s right. SKOTTIE YOUNG did a variant cover of the Invaders being adorable after crushing Nazis!
I’m really happy that this is all being collected like this. Myself, Carlos, Butch and the gang gave this our all and I’m immensely proud of the story. So, if you put off buying the single issues or the two trades because how on earth can you have a story split UP like that, well, this is for you!
HARDCOVERS ARE FANCY. YOU’RE FANCY NOW
I guess so!
Anyhoo, welcome to 2021. Wear a fucking mask.
Bye!
-Chip