Newsletter #52: Unpopular Opinions
"If it's Chip's opinion, it's unpopular!"
So, there was one of those tweets going around the other day where someone prompts people to give their opinion on something, like they’re the world’s worst dinner guest, and of course everyone fuckin’ fell for it like the absolute suckers we are.
“Say controversial batman takes” was the cry heard around the world, and even I, a 45-year old man with responsibilities and hopes and dreams responded:
After I finished tweeting and moaned (which I do after every tweet), I started to think about all of my controversial takes. I have so many of them but I’m afraid to tweet them because of “cancel culture”!!! Thank god I have this very private substack email list, so I can go through them all!
OH GOOD
Buckle up, chuckles. Cause here are my…
…CONTROVERSIAL TAKES
SPIDER-MAN:
This cop should’ve done his fucking job instead of trying to outsource to some random dude in an extremely creepy mask
Why didn’t the burglar also shoot Aunt May? Interesting. I’m just asking questions here
Spider-Man should lose the hyphen and be Spiderman. It’s a proper name! We don’t call them Super-Man and Bat-Man. You know why? Because those sound like you’re just describing guys! “Oh, he’s kind of a super-man, y’know?” Unless Peter’s parents were Richard Spider and Mary Man, just ditch the hyphen!!!
SUPERMAN:
Oh, hey, people are trapped in a burning building, I guess you better change into your costume and … style your hair so you have a curl that looks like an ‘S’? are you shitting me?! Do your job you brand-obsessed narcissist!
Krypton blew up? And one guy fled the scene of the crime? Interesting.
I’m Superman! I have a secret identity, so my two best friends are an award-winning reporter and a guy who takes pictures of my face all the time! And I’ll work at a newspaper! Brilliant!
I have no problem with him wearing red underwear on the outside of his costume, but maybe they should be boxers so he doesn’t look like some sort of Euro-pervert who thinks the beach is too cold that day
WONDER WOMAN:
A lasso that makes you tell the truth? I think Wonder Woman’s greatest enemy is her inability to trust others.
Wonder Woman was sculpted by clay, which means she may actually be the classic Batman villain Clayface.
WOLVERINE:
SUPER bad at getting people to come closer to him
Why did he wear a mask all those years when he had no memories? You know how you find people who can fill you in on your past? Show your fucking face!
A lot of readers think he’s having sex with both Scott and Jean, but that’s just not true. He can do a lot better than Scott.
DAREDEVIL:
He’s the best
Needs a better writer
HICKMAN:
Not THAT smart
But VERY adorable
BATMAN:
He should use his money to help the poor instead of buying Batmobiles and dressing up his Robins
Has anyone ever pointed that out before?
Anyone?
Hello?
STEGMAN:
I’ll be honest, this is my truly genuine “controversial take”: Ryan is actually a pretty decent artist. Fun layouts, dynamic poses, lots of detail, “interesting” anatomy; his pages are absolutely at a professional level and he deserves to be a paid working artist. A lot of people will think I’ve lost my mind by saying this, but it’s true. I’m even willing to go as far as to say that he’s not entirely a bad per—
…okay. Sure. But I don’t think his ego is as out of control as people say it—
…fine. But to have a career for this long, he must as least be smart. I mean, he’s got to be—
YOU…DON’T HAVE ANY BOOKS OUT THIS WEEK, DO YOU
nope
Anyhoo! DC just announced a JOKER book written by Friend of the Substack Matthew Rosenberg! And guess what? I’m illustrating the covers!
This is a fun gig for me because my only controversial take on The Joker is that I should be illustrating his covers, so this really worked out well.
CONGRATULATIONS
Thanks!
And that’s it for me this week! I’ll leave you with this: an excellent collection of reference books! Someone in Kieron Gillen’s life should probably gift him number 6.5 on the list:
Bye!
So glad I read all the way to the end!