X(tra)-Men

HOLLYWOOD IS ON STRIKE! I mean, it was on strike already thanks to the writers but now it’s FAMOUS on strike with the actors! One of the sticking points is about studios purchasing the likenesses of background actors and using them forever with the magic of COMPUTERS (for some reason people like to just call everything A.I. now).

Interestingly, if they don’t get those likeness rights, every background scene will look like this in a few years:

ONE MILLION JONATHAN MAJORS.

Anyway, I fully support the Guilds and their strike, cause man oh man this streaming age is grim.

But all of this background actor talk reminded of something I don’t think I’ve ever talked about here before. Did I ever tell you I was an extra in … the first X-Men movie?

UM NO I DON’T BELIEVE YOU DID

BUCKLE UP, BUDDY.

The year was 1999. I was twenty-three and fancy free in the city of Toronto, working at a bookstore and spending my spare time in an internet cafe that was actually just a bar with a couple of computers in the back. One of the guys who worked there was named Tom. Tom was very handsome and very muscular, so of course he was trying to also be an actor.

One day he was reading some script pages for an audition. I asked what it was for and he said it was something based on a comic. He was auditioning for a guy named “Wolverine.”

WTF

I grabbed the script pages from him and, yup, it was X-Men. The pages weren’t in the final movie—it was a Danger Room scene with Jean, Scott and Logan—but there they were: my favourite comic book characters in an honest-to-god movie script. X-Men was filming in Toronto.

I had to be in it.

If I recall correctly, there was an ad in the back of one of the alt-weeklys for extras needed (x-tras?). So, my buddy Ben and I went out to get sized up by the movie people. It turned out the scene they were casting was the opening, the flashback scene where young Magneto first displays his powers in a 1944 concentration camp in Poland. The movie people looked me over and said, “you’re perfect.” I know what you’re thinking and, yes, I was a gentile playing a Jew. I apologize to the Jewish community.

They looked at my blue-eyed and fair-haired friend Ben and said, “maybe you’re a Nazi,” but the uniform hung off of him like a child playing dress-up (we were both starving artists), so he sadly didn’t make the cut.

Which meant I was doing this alone now.

It was still X-Men, so I was pretty excited (x-cited?)! I went down to the old warehouse district where they were shooting for my very early call time and they costumed me in old-timey clothes. But before they put me in those clothes they made me wear a big, plastic suit. I asked why and they said, “it’ll keep you dry.” Uh, okay.

Myself and the many other extras were brought out to set, which was a mud pit between buildings. Our instructions were clear. We were being paired off and had to walk along the corridor where we’d eventually be separated by Nazis. The woman I was paired with was very excited. She’d been doing this a long time but felt like this was her time to finally shine. She started giving us a backstory and started calling me “Anya.” I just went along with it. Sure, mom. Whatever you say.

The director, who I’m assuming was Bryan Singer, yelled “ACTION” and off we went. The rain machines started as we slogged through the mud. Nazi actors held barking German Shepherds as we moved forward. It was extremely intense and uncomfortable. Soon, my “mom” and I were at the point where we were to be separated. A Nazi grabbed me roughly and went to pull me away from her. But my mother was NOT having it.

“ANYA! NO! MY ANYA!” She screamed and grabbed my jacket’s arm, pulling as hard as she could. I knew I had to act like I wanted to stay with her, but my instinct at that point was to go with the Nazis. I could hear and feel the stitching on my sleeve tear as a very loud “CUT!” was yelled through a megaphone.

The fake rain stopped and someone came down from on high to have a talk with me and my dear mother, along with the rest of the extras.

“What the fuck was that?”

My mother tried to explain. “I … I was just acting. Trying to stay with my dear Anya!”

“No, why the fuck are you screaming English in 1944 Poland?”

Mother did not have a proper reply to that question. The man then proceeded to lay it all out to the rest of the extras. There was to be no talking during the scene. Resist the Nazi officers, sure, but you still gotta go with them. Back to one.

We did that scene so many times, pausing only for lunch. I sat and quietly ate as “mother” told me that if they used her lines they had to pay her more. Other extras nodded in agreement that getting lines was also their dream. This was their job and I was here as a tourist, soaked through with fake rain water, eating a cold sandwich.

The plastic suit under my clothes did indeed protect me from the rain, but what it also did was trap in all of my sweat, so by the time I got it off, all my skin was wrinkled like I’d fallen asleep in a bathtub for 100 hours. By the end of the day I was cold and miserable and, frankly, not enjoying getting barked at by large dogs.

It was a two-day shoot and I didn’t go back for day two.

WOW DIDN’T REALIZE YOU WERE A QUITTER

My first wife says it’s one of her favourite qualities about me!

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In ACTUAL comic news, I talked to FP about the end of Daredevil:

Also, one of my favourite comic colourists in the business, Eren Angiolini, has launched a crowdfunding campaign featuring their amazing artwork! As most of you know, I do not understand RPGs, and this is for … TTRPGs?! I know there are some gaming nerds out there reading this who will understand what’s being sold, but all I know is that the artwork is beautiful and, apparently, functional! Go check it out!

That’s it for me this week!

BYE