The Year That Was

Dec 31, 2023

As a year winds down I often feel like I didn’t accomplish much. I’m sure this thought nags at the brains of most people, but it’s healthy to just sit down and write out what you managed in the year that’s passing, to give you some clarity as to what you want next year to be.

So, if you’ll indulge my self-reflection, here’s my list of 2023 accomplishments.

MURDERED DAREDEVIL

Guy was all, “wah wah I’m such a martyr.” Well, guess what? Martyrs gotta die to be martyrs, you sadsack guilt machine!

ATE 100 PIZZAS

A personal best!

ALMOST MURDERED BATMAN

Maybe next year I’ll finish the job!!!

HAD MY FIFTY-THIRD SEXUAL AWAKENING

Thanks, Amazon!

DROVE ACROSS CANADA

Except for the east coast, because of my longstanding feud with Kate Beaton.

TOLD MY NEIGHBOUR, JOE, TO STOP SENDING ME NUDES

Honestly, it took a lot of courage to finally confront him about this because the nudes were actually pretty nice since he started doing so much yoga.

WON AN EISNER

It was an honour just to be nominated so they could’ve just stopped there, really.

HAD ALLISON ACCEPT THE EISNER

Took months to get it from her.

CAUGHT COVID WHILE LIVING AN ISOLATED LIFE IN THE WOODS

They said it couldn’t be done!

READ OVER A DOZEN ARTICLES ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT AND TRAVIS KELCE WITHOUT EVER ONCE LISTENING TO A TAYLOR SWIFT SONG OR WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME

No small feat!

MET A NON-FOOTBALL HUNK AND BECAME FRIENDS

A FEW MONTHS LATER ENDED THE FRIENDSHIP

HAD SPIDER-MAN: LIFE STORY COSTUMES IN THE SPIDER-MAN 2 GAME BUT INSTEAD RE-PLAYED THE FIRST SPIDER-MAN GAME BECAUSE I CAN’T AFFORD A PS5

This is less a comment on the pay / compensation of comic book writers and more a comment on my inability to spend money on myself because of some deep childhood trauma, so don’t even think about making this an article on Bleeding Cool, Rich.