I keep telling Matt to give Jimmy Olsen a Canadian cousin named Jimmy Molson but you know Matt! (he's a coward)
|Sep 17||Public post|| 23|
CHIP IS THE BEST
This weekend I was awarded the Shuster for Best Writer, which was a true honour. For those not in the know, The Shuster Awards are for Canadian comic book creators like John Byrne and whoever did Alpha Flight after John Byrne left. A rumour was going around that “Batscribe” Tom King had applied for Canadian citizenship just so he could defeat me in this category, but apparently the Canadian government said he was TOO successful to become Canadian (“it’s just unseemly” was what I heard from an inside source). Enough’s enough, Tom!
CHIP IS THE WORST
Last week I was at the MARVEL SUMMIT! Now, I can’t really say anything about what happened there as they tricked me into signing an NDA by telling me it was just one of those classic Hickman text-heavy comics, but it was just horrible.
It took me a while to figure it out, but basically I walked right into a “Dinner With Schmucks” situation, where I was the schmuck. Everyone had a grand old time at Chip’s expense! Like, for example:
When Donny Cates started talking about Venom, he described symbiotes as beings who could bond with any fucking talentless moron, turning them into a powerful and seemingly interesting beings, like how Chip’s artists bond to Chip.
After my DAREDEVIL pitch, Joe Quesada came up to me and said it sounded cool, which made my heart swell! But then he said, “So, when do you start? ‘Cause the current writer fucking sucks.”
With Tini Howard in the room for the first time I was excited to see someone get hazed the way I was hazed at my first retreat. But everyone treated her with respect and admiration which fucking infuriated me. To make matters worse, when I suggested that CAPTAIN BRITAIN be renamed CAPTAIN KRAKOA, she gleefully punched me in the stomach, which prompted everyone to shout “Haze him! Haze him!” which led to me wearing the stinky Robin costume again.
And Ryan Stegman just kept texting me.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a real pleasure being invited to these meetings, but I just wished everyone liked my ideas more. At one point the room was talking about upcoming events, so I slammed my head into the table to quiet the room, as is my style. Then I attempted to blow their minds by smirking and saying, “Two simple words: Secret. Wars. Two.” When they asked me what it was about, I said, “Four simple words: It’s. A. Sequel.” I thought I’d spark some discussion and win Marvel’s 4th Quarter of 2022 for them, but nobody picked up the ball. The best and brightest minds just let out a collective “Duhhhh,” so I got on a plane back to Canada and was declared Best Writer so fuck them.
CHIP’S BIGGEST SPOILER FROM THE SUMMIT
Jonathan Hickman said that Wolverine would finally follow up on this and hunt down the shopkeeper who wouldn’t let him read pornography in his shop. Maybe … it’s a miniseries I can write? Jonathan?
HAVE CHIP’S FEELINGS ABOUT ITALIANS CHANGED SINCE WHAT HAPPENED WITH HIS EX-WIFE
The Italian publisher of DAREDEVIL sent me this gorgeous version of issue one! Marco’s art looks even better in his original Italian! I highly recommend flying to Italy and getting yourself a copy.
WHAT’S NEW WITH CHIP
Nothing. As punishment for doing “poorly” at the Summit, Marvel has decided to not publish any of my comics this week. It’s a rude move and I’m wavering between nonplussed and quite plussed about it, honestly. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
CHIP ANSWERS QUESTIONS
Every week I’ll answer one POLITE and RESPECTFUL question about my life as a former Marvel writer or about my work. The email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
What do you love most about being in comics?
Thanks and I’m loving your Daredevil run,
It’s probably all the friendships.